funky thursdays

I feel real weird. I don't know if it's cause I finished reading the Twilight series (again) faster than I really wanted to, or what. But I feel very incomplete and blah. I was thinking about it last night after finishing Breaking Dawn. I watched Glee last night and Josh Groban was on it. I watched the whole episode, but I got really really excited when I knew Josh was about to be on. George says it's cause I'm a stalker (which I'm not, I just happen to be curious about my celebrity boyfriends' lives, thus I follow them on Twitter. Shut up.), but I don't think that's it. What if I am so wrapped up in this faux world I live in (where celebrities are like friends and characters in books come alive for me) that when the real thing comes along I will be utterly disappointed because it's not the way I imagined? I'm afraid of skipping out on life because my imagination is so much better than the real thing. But I'm also afraid of getting out and doing stuff myself, as a grown up woman, which, let's face it, I may be in years, but there is no way I am in maturity or spirit. In my imagination, everyone I talk to or am friends with loves me. I'm a person of great mysteriousness and fun. Everyone wants to know me, and I have strings of beaux. Yes my faux world is very complex, and a little crazy. I know this thanks. but in the real world, I have friends yes, but it's different. In the real world, that's all I am is the friend. I'm never more. And I really want to be more. I think that's why I'm real nervous about Z's visit in Oct. Yeah we're real good friends, best friends even, but this is the first time he's coming to see just me for more than an evening or a day. I'm anxious about the implications of this visit, and I'm worried about whether I'm blowing this out of proportion. It makes life real difficult. But bad jokes make up for it :-). What do you get when you cross holy water and castor oil? A religious movement. Heeheehee.

A place to ramble

This is really just a place for me to ramble. It's not my real blog, but it is a place where I can update whenever I want about whatever I want. It's really more for me than anyone else :-). Just a place to get thoughts out especially when I'm at the office.